Chuck Norris - a tribute in 25 horology jokes
- Nuno Margalha
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
Chuck Norris, a major figure in contemporary culture and, according to unverifiable but widely accepted sources, the only truly stable reference point for measuring time, passed away yesterday — or rather, decided to leave.
We decided to pay our tribute to the star of internet memes with 25 original jokes about Chuck Norris and watchmaking.
1 - Chuck Norris's watch was one second slow once — that's how dead seconds were born.
2 - Chuck Norris had a watch that ran slow because he was afraid to keep up with him. That's how Crash was born.
3 - All timers are adjusted to Chuck Norris's rhythm.
4 - Chuck Norris' quartz watches don't need batteries — the quartz simply trembles with fear.
5 - Chuck Norris doesn't wind up the clock — he gives orders to it.
6 - COSC is certified by Chuck Norris.
7 - Coordinated Universal Time (UTC) adjusts to the location where Chuck Norris is.
8 - Chuck Norris uses a magnifying glass, but only to see far away.
9 - Chuck Norris's watch isn't waterproof — water is afraid to get in.
10 - Chuck Norris doesn't regulate clocks — he sets the time.
11 - Chuck Norris doesn't lose pieces, the pieces run away from him.
12 - Chuck Norris doesn't dismantle moves — they surrender.
13 - The rubies in Chuck Norris's watch are real.
14 - Chuck Norris once scratched a sapphire crystal, simply because he looked at it too intently.
15 - Once, Chuck Norris did a spinning kick on a swing, and that's how the Whirlwind was born. Then he did a double spinning kick—and the quadruple Whirlwind was born.
16 - This joke was not approved by Chuck Norris.
17 - Chuck Norris assembled the movement inside the watch… after closing the case.
18 - Chuck Norris can see the phases of the moon on a minute repeater.
19 - Chuck Norris's watch has an Equation of Time. The Sun simply does what the watch indicates.
20 - Chuck Norris's watch doesn't have world time, it only has — The Time.
21 - All of Chuck Norris's watches all have Constant Froce.
22 - The noise from Chuck Norris's ultrasound machine is made from the moans of his enemies.
23 - Chuck Norris's tourbillon doesn't overcome the force of gravity — it overcomes Chuck Norris's strength.
24 — Chuck Norris's perpetual calendar needs no correction. It's the reference.
25 - Chuck Norris's annual clock calendar never fails in February — February adapts.
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